Having experienced various strange symptoms over a number of years, Richard was finally diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis on 07.03.91. His diary for that day states simply and unemotionally: "Went to local hospital to see Dr Abbott - TOLD I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS". After suffering stoically and even cheerfully since that time, he took his own life at home on 25.02.01. He had continued working at Loughborough University throughout his illness, albeit with great difficulty, as his mobility and strength had declined dramatically, especially in the last 6 months of his life. With great encouragement and support from the other musicians, he had even continued playing drums in the folk dance band of which he had been an enthusiastic and dedicated member for many years.

Richard left no letter and unfortunately had stopped writing his diary, the last entry being on 19.09.00; writing had become too much of an effort. Amongst his papers I found a sheet on which he had written out the many problems he had to contend with; I think a therapist had recommended him to do it, perhaps as a means of trying to be objective or coming to terms with the problems. I quote from this:

"Bladder and bowel difficulty badly affecting legs; poor balance; falls; walking frame; walking sticks; sleep problem due to worry; left hand and arm weak; drumming not so good now; difficulty in putting on jacket; right hand not easy to control - writing becoming difficult; right foot weak - driving problematic; increasing dependence on Carers and others; unreliable Agency Carers; unreliable vertical lift; powered chair - out in all weathers; problem with shopping; difficulty at work with chair and doors; access to toilets - 'accidents'; problem with job; isolation from NAG and local colleagues; old computer - slow; understanding 'Direct Payments Scheme'; dealing with bills for Carers; how to get to forthcoming appointments; loss of dignity. I am effectively housebound, despite going to work. So many problems despite excellent help from John, Lorna, neighbours, friends and colleagues."

I think that this awful list of problems puts Richard's horrific suicide into context. May he rest in peace, free from the misery he had to suffer in the last few months of his life!

I also found a sheet on which he had written the following passage written by Henry Scott Holland (1847 - 1918). Richard was never a great lover of literature but clearly these words had appeal and relevance for him. At my request Rev. David Macha kindly read this deeply moving text at the funeral service:

"Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort, without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well."

This passage can be found in "All in the end is Harvest: An Anthology for those who grieve", edited by Agnes Whitaker and published by Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd. (ISBN 0-232-51624-3)

Rev. Macha also kindly read "To an absent one", one of Dad's poems which, though written at the time of Richard's leaving home for the first time, had some relevant and poignant verses.

Click here to go to the Photo Album containing 16 photos of Richard, family and friends.

A successful ceilidh in memory of Richard was held in Shepshed, near Loughborough on 15.06.02, with proceeds donated to the M.S. Society, Loughborough Branch. The band was Tenpenny Bit, with which Richard played for many years, and the caller was his longstanding friend Lorna Kitchin. The band's CD "Eight More Bars Please" on which Richard played drums was launched on this occasion.